I’ve noticed a pattern in my life.
It’s a pattern that occurs around the situations that don’t work out so well.
The things I commit to that end up being a waste of time. The relationships that are in stilted spots. The times I act in ways I am not proud of.
Lately I’ve noticed that most of those situations share a similar backstory. Before the problematic event or the unwanted outcome, I felt subtle feelings of discomfort.
You know when you see something out of the corner of your eye, in your peripheral vision? You see it, but just barely.
The feelings of discomfort that I’m talking about are just like that.
It’s not that they are so mild but more that I just don’t give my attention to them. When they are present, I am sort of aware of them, but just barely. I’m moving fast in other directions, swimming here and there at the surface of the water, as those subtler feelings make the currents below.
That is why – if I don’t want my life to be full of situations not working out so well – I need a space to take inner inventory, to do a scan of what’s present in me. By that I mean both a space in time – time set aside, and an emotional space – either a space of openness to myself, or the listening ears of a friend or coach or therapist. I also mean a physical space – a walk in solitude, or the blank page of a journal, or that friend’s cozy couch. All three – a space in time, an emotional space, and a physical space – are needed.
In that space, I can become conscious of what’s happening – not just the big events occurring in my life but the things brewing, the things otherwise only in peripheral vision. This is when I can ask the ongoing questions that need asking like, How am I feeling about what’s happening on my work team? Or, what’s up with feelings about my home these days? Or, what’s present in my relationship with my partner right now?
Then I can investigate. What is that low-level stress I am feeling? Or, huh, what’s up with the late night emotional eating of the past few weeks? Or, hmmm, I am really avoiding calling so-and-so back – what’s going on there?
During my regular days there’s lots that grabs center stage: the things on the calendar, the to do list for the week, the conversations of that day. The pureeing and singing while diapering and rescuing the lasagna before it’s entirely eaten by the dog.
The things that aren’t quite right but still unfolding their not-quite-rightness? In my regular life, those things simply won’t win the competition for focus.
I need to give them time and space. I need time and space to tune into the subtle stirrings. I discover lots then, things like: “This dynamic isn’t feeling quite right, and I realize I’m bringing a real sense of scarcity to this situation – what’s that about?” Or, “I said x in this situation, but you know? I left out y, and saying y was important.” Or, “I agreed to this, but the truth that is here right now is that I really want to say no.” Or, “I’m losing motivation around this writing project. Hmm. Interesting.”
If we don’t notice what’s present, we can’t take action based on the wisdom of what our inner compass is telling us. We can’t steer well.
So today I invite you to do a check-in with yourself. Notice the subtle stirrings you are feeling in the major areas of your life. As if you are holding up a soft light, explore what’s there, with compassion for yourself.
Love,
Tara Mohr
Tara,
So true! Thanks for articulating it so clearly. Now to go off to find the time and emotional and physical space to do just what you suggest!
Yes, Tara! This resonates so much with me…
Brilliant. Once again. LOVE YOU Tara!
I grappled with that exact thing for years and realized that the space I needed was 15-20 minutes of meditation in the early morning. In that time and over the years I have seen that this has been where I learned to let my inner most me match my outer most me. I listen for cues in my body and know its terminology. I love that you speak your truth. Let the discomfort guide you to the exact right place. In looking back, those nudges and twinges were messages straight from the universe into my subconscious through my body. But I wasn’t understanding the language and my ego didn’t want to open that door. XO, J
Thank you Tara. So beautiful, wise and true!
Just yesterday I was talking with my Qi Gong teacher about something related. He teaches 16 different classes each week, focusing on different topics, and is about to teach one about our “8 Bodies” … (physical, emotional, intuitive, auric, and four others I don’t remember the names of.
They are ‘nested’ , each one larger than the next smaller, but not exactly in physical space. It’s like when you toss a pebble into a still pond and it makes radiating ripples that move outward in a circle. The closest-in ripple is like our physical body, and the next ripple is like our mental body, and the next like our emotional body. (If I remember the order properly.)
He says that in the style of the class he will soon be teaching, the water style, we will be addressing each body and looking for energy blockages that need to be released, like a tight fist needs to be allowed to relax. (And an energy blockage might be something that isn’t clearly visible, but you can become aware of it, just like when you enter a room and you can just ‘tell’ that something isn’t right. You can ‘feel’ it, and it may not be because of anyone or anything that is still even in the room, but it might be because of someone or something that *was* in the room but has moved on now, but you can still feel the effects in the room when you first step into it.
He says it’s like that with energy blockages in any of our eight bodies, a blockage in one can have a lingering or lasting effect on the other related bodies, just like when the ripples are radiating out from where the stone plopped into the smooth water of the pond, if there is a stick or something stuck in the water at the level of the third ripple out from the center, it can affect the symmetry of all the ripples going farther out.
His explanation was that if you find an energy blockage in your emotional body — maybe you are stuck in sadness for example — that can affect your intuitive body, and you find that you aren’t having as good intuition about things as you usually do, until you can cause the energy blockage to be relaxed in your emotional body and out of being stuck in sadness. Then your intuition lights up fully again and you become once again quickly aware of things that can only be sensed with intuition.
Thank you Tara, for this enlightened post. It will cause much thought — (or should I say ‘clearing’ of thought) — as we contemplate what to place our attention on that is perhaps just outside the range of focus. Thank you. 🙂
I think this is what Virginia Wolf meant when she spoke and wrote about a room of one’s own. Without space to process, I don’t think we are whole. It’s the idea that we need to re-fill ourselves in order to keep giving. What a wonderful piece. I like that you simply notice things. Just noticing is underrated. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Tara
I’m just finishing up your book and wanted to say how inspiring and refreshing it is. I work with a lot of women and it’s been a great reminder of the issues we/they deal with. I particularly loved the chapter about ‘pachad.’I also really resonated with the chapter about using language to downplay our competence. I wrote a blog post you can see on the link to my blog which refers to your book. Thanks and best of luck with your launch.
Wow…you really know how to capture the essence of wisdom and life it’s very self.
Thank you.
Wonderful insight as always, Tara, thank you. I find that one of the best ways to gain space and escape the “noise” of daily life – which is wonderful, worrying, stressful, joyful, challenging, and sometimes just mundanely busy – is a “run.” I say “run” because it’s more of a slow crawl, but it’s enough to let my mind and psyche breathe – breath out stress, worries, and all the above, relax and just relax. It is during my runs that I have the greatest clarity, serenity, as well as creative ideas that come from my heart.
Tara, I found you via Lianne, when you did the call for us Desire Map Licensees 🙂
I’m writing a soul centered book on time management, and I found this post to be spot on, singing back to me what I’ve been incubating, and refining.
Thanks to YOU for creating the space and time in your life to hear this message, and launch it out into the ethos.
I heard you.
Thanks, Tara, for the post. What you mention on taking personal inventory is so true in living in the moment and in dealing with transitions.
Special thanks for all the wonderful tools and articles on transitions. I love how you’re sharing the information as you’re going through your own transition. Takes a lot of courage and compassion to be in this space and sharing.
What I’m finding on my own journey is recognizing not getting stuck on my own personal history. It’s been a real challenge but I’ learning a lot. The subtle messages from my body, I’m better able to decipher when I’m fully present and conscious. When there is space, I can notice the signs of what I’m attracted to and things that do not feel right. This act of creatubg space is an act of compassion.
Your post is so easy to relate to. Awareness brings change. Sometimes it is difficult making the necessary changes in the work you feel forced to do when a more spiritually based job is hard to find. (This is me right now.)It can wreak havoc in one’s spiritual mind when everything you feel while doing this work says “NO!” I need to change this situation desperately.
Thank you for writing your book as well…you are doing exactly what you are meant to do. I am still working on figuring out my own life purpose, other than knowing it will serve others as well as myself; when it happens I will be playing it BIG.
This post is just brilliant. Thank you for articulating it so well! That low level hum of stress is something we all notice and this gives such a wonderfully practical way of honouring and listening to it!