Photo: “Life flows on…” by Christa Gallopoulos
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I don’t often excerpt other people’s work here, but I recently read something so gorgeous I knew right away I wanted to share it with you. This is from one of my favorite teachers, neuropsychologist and Buddhist teacher, Rick Hanson. Rick writes:
“One of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I going through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20’s. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was anticipating (= dreading) the release of buried sadness. Instead, there was a dam burst of love, which poured out of me during the session and afterward. I realized it was love, not sadness, that I had bottled up in childhood – and what I now needed to give and express.
We can hold back our contributions to the world, including love, just as much as we can muzzle or repress sorrow or anger.
I was so moved by this: we expect to get in touch with buried pain, or grief, inside, but what about this – that inside of us rests a bottled up, unexpressed well of love?
“I realized it was love, not sadness, that I had bottled up in childhood – and what I now needed to give and express.”
I just wanted to hold a space for those words here. They stir my heart each time I read them.
We are so large, so sacred, so miraculous, so gifted – so much more so than the world has told us or than the world understands. We came into the world full of so much love, and along the way, got so many messages that caused us to hold back.
It is time to burst the dam of love.
I hope you’ll share in the comments what these words stir in you.And parents, what does this bring up for you in terms of your parenting? Please share.
By the way, if this spoke to you, I hope you’ll check out more of Rick’s work. It is quality. Rick is the author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom — and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. I’m proud to say Rick is also a featured guest teacher in my Playing Big program, where he shares his wise and gentle approach to dealing with fear. Rick also writes a lovely newsletter called Just One Thing, which is where I read the passage above. You can subscribe to it here, (free!), if you’d like.
Love,
Tara
Tara,
I read this and thought of my little boy who is becoming a little man … losing his willingness to tell me he loves me or to play the old games we used to play. I wonder how much of his veneer is in response to what I model, or what the adults in his life demonstrate for him.
I appreciate these words so much. It’s a lovely invitation to simply allow who we are, love itself, to express itself through us. I accept.
Love,
Amy
I am currently enjoying the rich privilege of a 10 month old grandson and as a grandmother can be present from a much more relaxed space of complete awe at his remarkableness. Not that this wonder was not present in being with my own little ones, but I can see how by the age of one or two our parents start, even without realizing it, shaping the little ones to conform. We just want our children to be loved and accepted by the world. However, I see now that the wise concern is to allow the natural self-love and self-acceptance that is already who they are to be unscathed as much as possible. Even as tiny ones they instinctively know that all sorts of sensations and emotions flow through them, none being a problem at all and are let go of as fast as they come and never, ever dim the gaze of pure love in their eyes.
Thank you so much for this post! 🙂 I look forward to investigating more of Rick’s work.
Bonnie
Tara,
What a revealation! Expecting to find pain and finding love instead. What if? I will share this lesson and words with my yoga class tonight and the possibilities of endless awakenings by keeping the channel open.
Namaste!
…M
Thank you Tara, Christa, and Rick for your work. That is exactly it, so simple, but never considered that way.
What a gorgeous photograph! Christa…an earth creation! Tara, such humility in giving us Rick and pointing to his discovery. I also had an amazing experience with rolfing where the session on my face, mouth and jaw…totally freed my speech. There was some fear and pain going into it and a joy and expansion coming out. Such a metaphor-Discovering how another touching us deeply can help us, that we are not born bound by shyness, but quiet, merely waiting for our own release to speak our joy.
Thank you Tara, and thank Rick for sharing this passage. What is more difficult still, however–and I speak for myself–is that a great blast of fear or anger or resentment–whatever–must be blown out first, in order that repressed, withheld love, beauty, creativity, gratitude–can be released. These violent tantrums may be mistaken for the inner buried life, when they are just a self-perpetuating defense that jumps in as an imposter for that vulnerable,exquisite,authentic life. The metaphor isn’t cathartic; it’s more like popping a cork so that the finest champagne can flow.
Yet in our wish to be good, kind, polite and always pleasing people–we may never get deep enough for the genuine treasure.
Even so, how do we achieve that without unleashing the saboteur, who thrives on negative attention and may not be budged?
This is not just the inner critic I mean…perhaps Rick’s fear was associated with my issues, he seemed to have opened up into the love immediately, to his surprise…does anyone have more insight here?
I have just fallen in love with a man so I can relate. In the past intimate relationships were hard. I was repressing love. Now that the expression is there I attracted someone that is doing the same. The love we have is profound and it is just the beginning of the ride!!!! So grateful!!! yes to opening up to more love!!!
I credit my mother’s enormous, expressed, and unconditional love for me with my being able, in turn, to give to my own children with kindness, sympathy, and compassion. (Not that I am a saint! Or always am sweetness and light with them). So thank you, Tara, for being the catalyst for this public acknowledgment of the enormous gift she gave me in that.
@Amy: I wouldn’t overthink your son’s behavior, unless you can see a really obvious link…boys, in particular, seem need to pull away from their mothers as part of the necessary developmental process (spoken as the mother of a 19 year old college freshman boy and a 15 year old HS sophomore girl). He will “come back,” although it might take longer than you (or anyone else) would like. Courage!
Beautiful reminder of what truly lies beneath all the shame and blame we usually guard our hearts with. As I read this, I thought of one of my sons, Thomas, 24. He is one of the most loving people on earth. He made a conscious choice to live his life through love. The love he experiences through Christ. I see it flow out of him. Even today as he had a procedure at the hospital, every person he encountered he touched with his love, by asking gently how they are doing, and thanking them for their kindness or effort. From nurses to patients waiting for a procedure he reaches out with his love. I learn from my children how to overcome the block of self-consciousness, of the desire to fit in. He doesn’t care how he is perceived. He only wants to love.
Tara, this is really beautiful and couldn’t have been more perfectly timed for me. Thank you so much for sharing, spot on!
Wow…tears in. my eyes, smiling…realizing that doing what I love now, throwing clay is my way of releasing my bottled up love. Why it feels so good and why I hide it, like a secret.
Glad you shared this!